Sunday, February 04, 2007 ;
8:13:00 PM
its been quite a while since i could think of something to say. sometimes i feel i am caught up against a high tide, and scrambling for breath and strength to swim to shore. too many things to do, too many places to be, too many words to say and yet is left horribly unsaid.
taking on a cca has absorbed a bigger slice of my time, more than i expected it to. i have already dropped bsf, albeit reluctantly, because there is no way i could juggle so many things. it would be strange to go back too, knowing that well.. lets just say, memories would haunt me.
its getting easier each day to face it, to say it out. its easier to tell people, and watch their faces of unbelief without cringing anymore. its easier to smile and laugh, without a sore embitterment of heart that there's no longer someone to share that joy with. its just getting easier. and, harder too.
met aunty carol yesterday, and she caused me to reflect about the past two or three months. she pointed out things i never really noticed that i did with my life - but good things - changes in my life that will be for the better, changes that she had told me to go and set in place. i guess i shld be happy, but there's a sort of emptiness inside too. do i like who i am now? ha. i dont know. i hardly even have the time to think.
one thing for sure is that i know God is with me.. and he'll be my source of comfort, of strength and refuge. i need no other. i may struggle now, but well, it will end, eventually. it will.
every day is a new day ♥
