Tuesday, November 28, 2006 ;
12:27:00 AM
for some particular reason, i'm not really that anxious about my papers this semester, other than irish poetry. two out of four are open-book, and another one is 99% mcq questions so i can be said to be taking it easy. sigh. i have lost my motivation and drive. its hard to study when you start thinking about things that you shouldnt be thinking of.
slept very little saturday night. 5 hrs? dont even know why. i got up at 6am and i couldnt get back to sleep after that. but i just kept thinking. about friends. how they come and go, how everyone is there in your life for just a season. and i realized that i was actually really hurt, and quite angry even.. and was appalled at the way it took me so long to see this. and even if i tell you why i am feeling this way, you'd probably wouldnt care and make it my fault. argh. nvm. i'll keep my distance. that was what you wanted anyway, right?
sometimes its uncanny how people can read you. maybe i am like an open book, yet the words inside are hard to cipher. you may know that i'm not feeling right, but you'll never know the depth of the well of emotions within. i want to keep all of you out, and yet i want all of you to be beside me. sigh. contradictory antinomies - that's what we all are. i marvel at how you want to scrape the surface, but never dare to go beyond. all i am doing waiting here is for you to dare.
every day is a new day ♥
