Saturday, June 17, 2006 ;
11:38:00 AM
I am the girl who you will never take a second glance at; because you cant see me. I fade into backgrounds of pastels, and of grey--nothing outstanding enough for you to notice. I have nothing to hold your attention and no words to say to convince you that I am 'good' enough, or smart enough, to be your friend. Stark colors of black and white escape me completely; I merge into the two and become unknowable. You say you dont know me, well, neither do I. I am the girl who is so terrified of everything; and is even more terrified of the weakness she sees in herself that she pulls layer upon layer onto herself till she is beyond recognition.
I am the girl who waits at the bus stop in the pouring rain, hoping to see a glimpse of your back as you turned away to walk from me. I am the girl who cries so hard inside when she sees you smile, because she knows the smile is never meant for her. I am the girl who watches through windows, wondering if you are okay--the one who thinks of you while you don't even realize she's gone. I am the girl whose heart skips every time you come close, and thank God everyday for you who loves me despite the flaws I have. I am the girl who wonders why she cares so much; because you dont.
I am the girl who stays up till unearthly hours every night just so she could elude the dreams; they would inevitably be about you. I am the girl whose hopes rises each time the phone rings, wishing time after time it would be you. I am the girl who sighs in pain and disappointment each time its not. I'm the girl who wishes that the last bus would never come so I could spend a second more, a minute more, an indefinite amount of time just standing there looking into your eyes and talking to you. I am the girl who never will tire of hearing your voice, and who dreams of the day you will sing for her.
I am the girl who says she is your friend and will always remain so, as long as you allow me to. I will do anything in my power, to make you smile when you are down, to be there when you need me to. I will be the one who stays behind when everyone else walks away, to pick you up when you fall, to love you when you feel so alone. I am the girl you said looks sad all the time; the girl who you never failed to cheer up by just standing there. I am the girl who whispered your name into the glittering blackness of the night, memorizing each syllable as it rolls off her tongue with a prayer that her whispers will reach you to where you are.
I am the girl who curls up into herself, sometimes wanting to die to know who her real friends are--who will cry for her, and who will not. I am the girl who wonders if I am making a difference; especially in your life. I am the girl you joked with, and believed you even though you didn't mean what you were saying; who hung on your every word and buried it within her heart. I am the girl whose head you patted, with that distant smile of yours, wishing to break that wall between us. I am the girl who wakes up in the mornings crying because she couldn't remember her dreams, but could remember how they made her feel. I am the girl who cried so much for you that the tears no longer fall; and her eyes are dry.
I am that girl. Who are you?
every day is a new day ♥
