Sunday, February 05, 2006 ;
10:15:00 PM
alot of things have happened since i've last updated.. and somehow i dont know if i'm the better or the worse for it.
sleep is a precious privilege to me right at this moment; with any snippets of time i might have i try to catch a little nap. the hours in the day is far too short and unsatisfying to do all that one does want to do.. and spend with all whom one loves. ah well. and i've promised myself i'm going to start getting my act together tomorrow and absorb myself in my schoolwork. i've been playing far too hard, really.
saw xuan off at the airport today. it didnt turn out like i thought it would.. i dont know. when i saw her leave and walk through that departure gate that i myself have walked through many times, it suddenly hit me that she wasnt going to leave for just what, 2 weeks/1 month? she was going to be there for the next 2 years of her life, our lives. 2 years, without her around.. i realized just how much i have been taking her for granted. and there and then i felt like crying, felt like i didnt deserve to be there. i dont know. and i could have just continued standing there, with unbidden tears trailing down my cheeks following the shadow of her that has left.. if not for sheng who needed support even more than i did. its really the most horrid feeling one can ever go through. yup so that pretty much dominated my thoughts for the rest of today.
watched
fearless later in the evening with bj and the day's events really made me learn to appreciate him more, to realize that i shouldnt take anything we have together for granted any longer. i've learnt.
yet.. sometimes i feel as though i'm tired of life. tired of the way everything is so
organized and planned - that we are to do this, this, this in order to get this, this, this.. and then eventually before we know it we're old and its time to die. i'm not saying i'm afraid of death, i wouldnt be. i know i have a great treasure up in Heaven that is waiting for me, and i know once i'm up there, i'll forever be bathed in the wondrous presence of my God. but still, i wonder. and still, i wish there was more to just...
this waiting, as it were, "to go to the island." (courtesy from watching 'The Island' at dz's place last night)
anyway i have alot of pics waiting to be uploaded, but i'm too tired and lazy, really. and yessssss gina! i want my birkies too =(
every day is a new day ♥
