Thursday, December 22, 2005 ;
11:56:00 PM
i was thinking about alot of things today...
how 20 years down the road and i'll be where my mum is now, and my mum where my grandmother is. how life is so so short, its made up of max 6 twenties, as according to the Bible, and not even most of the population makes it past 4 twenties. 4 twenties. i've already crossed over one. the key question i'm therefore asking myself is, "
what in the world am i doing with my life?" its going to be over very soon.. what can i say i've done? heard recently that in the end our lives are reduced to that of a dash on our sombre tombstone when we pass away. do i surely want that? a dash? or a legacy? ok perhaps not something big, but in small ways, in little groups of people - i ask, have i ever made a difference? i dont know. funny how all these thoughts stemmed from the release of exam results today.
and as i do, i ask myself if i am being too nice. i say others are naive, but what am i then? i can only hope that one day you will see the way it is through my eyes. but then again, maybe its better this way.
was talking to bj about missions today.. and the sharing of the gospel.. and i got almost quite emotional at one point. a thought came to mind suddenly at that moment - that if we (bj and i) have gone to only one country, thailand and china respectively, and felt so much sorrow at the spiritual barrenness, how then does God feel as he sees the emptiness of the entire world, his dearest creation? i cant imagine the depths of his grief, and love. the image of the dirty children at the basketball courts watching in silence as robyn and i cleaned their hands with something wet, alien and strange smelling came flooding in, and if i went on talking i might have ended in a torrent of tears. its weird how God touches and burdens your heart at the most unexpected times.
in two weeks in china, so much has happened. two deaths and one marriage. relationships cool off, and others begin a new path.. time honestly waits for no one.. and life is so so short.
every day is a new day ♥
