Sunday, October 23, 2005 ;
12:47:00 AM
worship these few weeks have been good.. especially combined with daniel foo's messages. i am glad that God is indeed working in our midst, in our ym - hearing the heartfelt prayers of our pastors and leaders. =)
in a hasty move, my mum told me on thursday that she was packing my maid off to indonesia and an air ticket was purchased for her already. i was rather shocked at the whole suddeness of it all.. and it all seems like a whirlwind that passed me by. anyway, the gist of it all is that she has already left this early morning.. and my new maid is here.. argh. i just dont like the whole thing, how it was planned. how.. they were reduced to a transaction. so much for love and good to all mankind. so much for saying things like "i think i am overly tolerant now". i'm pretty sure you are la. i really hope you'll do better by this one now.
i mean i wasnt perfect either. but i do wish we could have been better. anyway, i decided to take a picture together with her before we left. somehow, in her, i see a reflection of our witness and i am disappointed with what i see.
2 years is a long time, and we can make a difference if we tried. i only wish you wouldnt always make them out as transactions, beings meant to be kept home for your own use.. wont think of them as.. oh i dont know. its such a .... mercenary side of you that you display when you talk of them. as though you are superior, and they are 'the Other'. cmon, if you really think about it, you are just fortunate that you are born in Singapore. (God's will aside. i'm not trying to be blasphemous, but at least you can bear this in mind rather than continually imposing your will on everyone else around.) bah. i
am determined to do right by her this time, i dont care what you will. after all, its God's will that's sovereign. even you acknowledge that.
its amazing how you can storm the house, leave it "in a huff and a puff" to quote you, and see how you sing along in the car to worship songs the next moment. if i wasnt so afraid of what you'd do to me, i'll probably have voiced out that irony. but i refuse i guess. either coz i've no guts, or whatever i say wont work, coz its God that ultimately works in you and your heart. i dont need more slaps, more caustic remarks, more threats to leave me to him.
ok this is really a very personal entry and i dont know why i'm blogging it here. i think i just need to let it out.. sometimes the people you least expect to be, is exactly that. and regardless of age, status and whatever, you have just got to deal with that.
every day is a new day ♥
