Tuesday, August 02, 2005 ;
10:50:00 PM
i still have not managed to resolve my virus issue despite traveling down to nus and checking with the computer centre if they could do anything. regardless of how many times they deleted and uninstalled this Media Access program from my computer, it relentlessly persists to haunt me and comes back everytime i restart my computer. looks like i may have to consider reformatting it - and the best time is now because i dont exactly have anything of utmost importance within.
aunty ivy challenged me to fast from shopping for 3 months and as practical as it is, it undoubtedly served to irritate me. for the most unjust reasons. i know she may be right but it is my business and my allowance - it doesnt even come from my mother; well mostly. but still. and there are things that sometimes i will need to buy and i tried to bargain for 2 months, rather than 3, but she wouldnt budge. it didnt really end up with me agreeing but i know for a fact its impossible to say no when two are against one. i went off feeling quite pissed and bothered and it has been weighing on my mind for a while. as in i feel that i'm being cheated of my own personal rights and i didnt even have a chance to have a say in the matter while it was being being discussed above my head. if it was a fast from the tv (which i hardly touch) for the same length of time, i'd probably feel as indignant as well. and what's more is that i hated the way she said "fast" because i know i'm definitely not being in this for the reasons one would be when they are fasting, but rather its because i am being forced and coerced into it, and have no other choice. i hate it when they use a "religious" excuse, as it is, to make me feel all the more guilty.
i do not hesitate to admit that i do have a problem with keeping money in my pockets but i just do not like the way she, they, chose to "help" me handle this. its almost underhanded and disgusting, because they know i cant say no or rebel or even lie. and yes though it might serve its purpose, it ends up making me resentful and a lot less respectful of them, as a whole. for the most simple of reasons - because they didnt respect my feelings in the first place.
i have not decided what i'm going to do. aunty ivy mentioned that the so-called fast includes purchases of earrings, slippers, bags, shoes, clothing.. whatever, other than food and birthday presents. its preposterous the way she lined everything up. i was duly irked.
sigh. am i wrong in feeling thus? i know i do have a problem, but i wish they could have respected me as a person more. that's all i ask.
every day is a new day ♥
