Friday, July 22, 2005 ;
1:39:00 AM
i met that girl today. i was thoroughly surprised. for someone i imagined to be emotionally insecure, she sure exuded an aura of extreme self-confidence. her handshake is abnormally firm and well. i was, in short, stunned. and of course, i began to withdraw into my shell. rajiv rebuked me for it. oh well. no matter what, it always repeats its course. it strikes me as eerie, how rajiv can read us so well.
and i was sad. that my friend, someone i knew - i thought i knew, is different now. he may not look very different from before - in fact, he hardly seemed to change at all on the exterior.. but.. as rajiv and i agreed.. there's a subtle change in that guy.. and... it just makes me sad. the moment she joined us, everything changed.
enough of that for now. had prata with rajiv at jalan kayu.. haha he's just the same i guess. talking about his floorball with the same passion i saw in daniel about his canoeing. and about army.. and well, his second passion, girls. (groan)
came home after that tea with rajiv for dinner.. and then mum sent me to chomps for late night supper with rajiv again and derek. it was great meeting up with the two of them. and yet.. well. dunno. i wish there was more of it. i do. bumping into wendy and hong yan yesterday and seeing them talk, hearing them laugh and everything - so like the days when we were in secondary school.. it didnt make it better. my eyes couldnt help but trail after them as they went out of the mrt train with longing and envy. oh yes, envy. their steadfast friendship, their simple-mindedness.. how did i become who i am now? and why do i seem to hate the way i've become? i long to live in the world of books.
i'm twenty now.. and i have not grown up. i do not want to. if growing up is all this, i'd much rather remain a peter-pan-like state and stagnate.. being just me all over and over - at 14.
every day is a new day ♥
