Wednesday, February 23, 2005 ;
12:12:00 AM
i had one of the most tiring phone conversations ever. makes me want to swear off touching telephones again. argh. its so hard to tell someone what you really think of him/her. and its so hard to want to help, but you cant because you are too young, too too young. no money, no time.. nothing to your name. and like daniel said? the worst thing is not that you love someone who doesnt love you back. its that you cannot help the someone you love at all, because you are powerless to, or that person just doesnt want to help himself. or maybe even because, you are no longer important to that person to make an impact in any way. i wish i knew the answer.. i wish i could meet expectations and rise up and do
something concrete, that he'll never relapse again. but i tire.
and i dont know how to tell anybody. the last time i opened my heart, i made it all sound so small, pathetic. the words only belittled everything. and i promised myself there and then i would never speak a word about this to anyone. not because they wouldnt listen, but because they wouldnt understand, and underneath, on a primal level, they cant be bothered to understand - because its beyond their grasp. i'm numbed to it now, i feel all the emotions bottling up, bubbling, boiling over.. almost spilling out. but the cap is fastened, holding strong to the bottle. for now.
just
take me home, oh country road...
every day is a new day ♥
