Monday, January 10, 2005 ;
10:03:00 PM
i'm back! there's so much i want to say.
trip was fine. if i'm in the mood, will blog more about it.
am feeling really really really scared about school tomorrow. i realized i'm attending all lectures on my own, without any friends. its a scary thought. walking into the lecture theatre alone with pple i dont know all gathered there in their cliques.. argh. i'm feeling so scared, so scared and pathetic.
and hurt. so hurt. and i dont know why. i mean he's right but i am so selfish. so pathetically selfish. and the worst thing is i cant help feeling this way. it just swarms over and takes me in and i react so defensively. and i end up hurting us both. argh. i just hate myself. i wanted to tell him so much, about my trip, about my first day in school.. about my mum and aunty gimlan.. and we just.. so many questions. so many insecurities. so many issues i wish i had someone to tell but friends are so little, so superficial.. not the kind of friendship i know i can call at midnight and the person wouldnt mind talking.
i just want to crouch in one corner and
be alone. and yet, i still wish someone will
be there in that corner, holding my hand silently - letting me know that he's there. its enough.
every day is a new day ♥
