Monday, January 03, 2005 ;
11:42:00 PM
how i wish, so badly, that i wasnt feeling this way. argh. i just feel so available.. so look-at-me-and-come-here-use-me. sigh. its just giving giving giving.. is there ever gonna be a day when you need me for
me? not for some fallback plan, nor some station where you stop by when you figure you need to.. ok. i need a break. officially. after this, i'm really really really really really really really really really really not caring. (i'm trying to convince myself). for when did you? i kinda know how santa feels.
i need to stop trying so hard. to stop trying to meet your standards and what you expect of me. and just being like Paul said - only desire to please God.
an old man with a whitish beard
a red hat upon his whizened head
pink cheeks, wide smile
greeting all with laughter abound
kids, no, all clamour
screaming - "i want! i want!"
loudly, unabashedly
desiring a-something from that sack of his
the man looks on and smiles, still more widely
and slowly gives out the precious gifts
gifts carefully handled and made
with care, joy, mostly love
yet what is behind that smile
is that, can it be, a tear?
for the old man finds
his gifts, though they are special,
are more desired
than he himself.
i'm not trying to be blasphemous. i'm just.. its just a poem.
every day is a new day ♥
