Monday, August 16, 2004 ;
11:03:00 PM
sometimes i just wonder... i dont understand why they get so angry when i dont want to go and hang out with them... i mean, even if i do go, they dont actually talk to me anyway. i'll be hanging at the back, wishing i wasnt there and my mouth hardly open to talk. sigh. i just get so... confused. there's such an obvious lack of genuineness among them, its like they are just hanging out together coz there's no one else to be with. they keep trying to be somebody they are not and i hate that. i hate the way they keep pressurizing me to go out with them, and i hate the way i feel obligated... and i hate the way they act, talk, pretend... its so fake! so absolutely fake... how i long for people who can make me feel right at home, make me feel like i
really belong. i sometimes even regret shifting from building & real estate to arts coz at least, there in bre, i've friends who care, friends who are real and share the same moral values as that i have. sigh. i do miss canice. i'm sorry girl... if i could have my way, i'll get you over to arts immediately! ahaha... then we can go do our desired modules together...
sigh. i just feel burdened with this the past few weeks but i never was able to vocalize it succintly. even the above is hardly... oh well. words just fails me. perhaps this is one of the reasons why i suddenly feel spurred on to go for vcf (varsity christian fellowship) in nus where i can meet peers who share the same faith. who cares for one another. who knows? maybe i can find someone there who will be kind enough to take on the burdens of my heart, mentor and pray for me... i really need serious prayer coverage. sigh.
oh and good news friends... i managed to get into literature EN2101E! sigh really, truly, God is so good. my entire life is a testimony to that fact. look at the amazing way he drafts out my life for me everyday... provided me with opportunities i never expected to study my beloved subject. how can i ever ever thank Him? (btw alicia i'm in the same lecture grp as you!)
so the books i'm going to study this semester:
1. Pramoedya Ananta Toer -
It's Not An All Night Fair
2. Eugene Ionesco -
Rhinocerous
3. Tom Stoppard -
The Real Inspector Hound
4. Doris Lessing -
The Fifth Child
5. Thom Gunn -
The Man With Night Sweats
6. Edwin Thumbo -
A Third Map
and they all cost about $109... gotta go and buy them tomorrow... yupz.
havent anything much to say any longer... sigh. just wish they can be more... in touch with who they really are. instead of always being so deep... so... sigh. i dont know.
every day is a new day ♥
