Monday, July 26, 2004 ;
4:40:00 PM
i really dont know what to do... i'm torn between trying to help him and doing what he wants me to do... sigh. i try to do what's best, what will be good for him... but he just cant, totally incapable of understanding. how do i go about doing it? everyone's putting the onus on me - the more they do it, the more i feel like breaking down. the pressure and burden is so great! what can i do to make such a huge difference? they keep saying, "its because of you bla bla bla..." or "its for your sake bla bla bla..." and also "you're the only one who can bla bla bla..." sigh. i... i just dont know la.
people tell me to pray but i cant... i havent been able to really pray for so long. i get down on my kness and like everyone says, "try to enter into the holy presence of the Lord" but i just cant... its as though i'm hitting the ceiling with my thoughts and they come bouncing back with disillusionment and discouragement. how do i pray? how do i manage to enter his presence? when will i ever be able to reach that stage when i can finally.... sigh. i just dont know what to say anymore. i'm tired.
will be having elijiah challenge later... hope that it will refresh my mind, heart and soul for the Lord...
every day is a new day ♥
