Tuesday, June 29, 2004 ;
10:55:00 PM
i took the picture on canice's blog and set it as my desktop wallpaper. i just feel its so apt.. for everything i'm going through right now. i'm just trying to hang on.
thinking ahead is a whole new life again.. no longer with my old group of friends - the majority are going to arts and social sciences.. and a totally different way of learning - culture, beliefs all changed.. everyone basically hiding behind a facade. how will i make it? right now even as i'm clearing the way for new things, yes i do feel excited but feelings of apprehension soon clouds over and dampens my spirit.. how will friends, lecturers, classrooms, bunk, everything! be like? how i wish i can have him by my side.
indeed the days are terribly slow without him.. i feel stretched as Bilbo said - like butter thinly spread on bread. its like my life is dreariness, with short bursts of pure happiness. i wonder if you will understand. its not that i depend on him too much. its coz i cant find anyone else who can make me feel as happy and comfortable as i do with him. (no i'm not looking for a replacement boyfriend, please dont get me wrong.. i'm just talking about friends.)
and talking about friends. sigh. quarrelled with one. never spoke to her since. and others are slowly fading away. school. sick. work. other friends. distance. all the excuses just keep coming, i wonder whether they are true at times for they are always so similar. i'm tired of making commitments with them and finding myself looking forward to it earnestly.. only to realize that the day's activities are cancelled or cut short - for those various reasons they give. i'm just so TIRED of it.
there's more. mum. dad. grandparents. mabel. melody. i dont know what else. i dont want to remember.
go away. oh just
go away and leave me alone.
every day is a new day ♥
